The Other Five Hundred

I realized just now.

I’m not, have not been, and will not be a good son, man, husband, father, or leader. I will fail at all those roles, hurt those under my supervision, those I love, and break apart lives.

I will not be a good person. But I will be pointing you towards God.

So I decided as I was walking back to Baker with Ernest.

I’m gonna kick the ball to God’s court.

I’m going to be a pastor unless God tells me “no” or “wait.”

Your move.

Update! WOO! And hello to new followers.

Hello new peoples! 

Quick summary of who I am, for new peoples or if you don’t know me personally, as well as updates. 20 (ALMOST 21) (I don’t know why that was in parentheses if it was shouted). Biochemistry, Rice University, Junior undergrad. 

I work with the youth at church, as well as the Cru chapter here at Rice. I’m an encourager (and maybe teacher) and God has called me to work with the youth here.  I want to be a youth pastor.

I am struggling with a pornography addiction. Here’s the update on that.

I’ve been reading a book called Pure Desire by a pastor called Ted Roberts. The past few weeks, I’ve had several long talks with God about this, and we decided I’ve got to really work on this now. It’s got to be my #1 priority in my own walk (the first talk started when God told me: “We need to talk,” which anyone in a relationship knows is bad news bears). I’ve written notes for a battle plan to help me with the brain pathways (it appears these pathways have been growing ever since I was about 4 or 5) as well as begun to keep track of when I fall and when I succeed in resisting temptation. A picture of that schedule may appear in a week or so. I’m surrounding myself with friends who can keep me accountable to the battle plan (with its contingency plans, whenever I get time to actually type this whole plan out to give them), and am trying to delve more and more into God’s word and his mission for my life. God and I, we gon’ run this thing into the ground.

Also, I bought two nerf guns today (yesterday?) from a friend.

Talk to me! Let me know how you’re doing, if you need encouragement, advice, etc. I’m still learning how to use the gifts God has given me, but at the very least I can point you in a direction towards people who have been there before.

Alright. May God bless you in your walk with him!

Edit: also I play piano.

A Vision

Because, in the end, I can’t fight lust if I don’t know why I’m doing it. I need a vision of what it looks like on the other side. And I haven’t really done that till now.

Because lust takes my greatest strengths and twists them into a weakness. So this is what I’m pursuing: my strength.

I want to be the kind of person that people walk away from feeling encouraged, loved, and supported. I want to re-learn what it means to have intimacy with God, and from that intimacy pour out encouragement, empathy, love, caring, and support to everyone I meet. I also want to hurt for those captured by and victimized by lust - because I no longer can feel for that.

So here’s my new list of Ebenezers for this year, in no particular order.

1. Be able to feel again for the victims of lust on both sides. To see it the way God sees it. But, callous as my heart has become, I’m gonna need a lot of prayer for this.
2. Learn and put into practice what it means to have intimacy with God.
3. Encourage others daily.
4. Stop using porn.

Right now, I’m standing at a 1/3/5/2. I’m aiming for a 9/9/9/9.

if I want to change, I must have a vision for where I want to be.

Excited for visioncasting today for Baker Christian community

Update

It’s almost a year now. Here’s an update on how I’ve been doing.

8
7
5/6/8

0
8
9

I skipped the dating one because I don’t know what I feel about that one. I’ve developed a lot of ideas on that. But there’s no one currently on the radar anyways, so welp.

I’m glad for this year. I think God and I have traveled a lot, and I’ve learned a lot.

Like it’s a journey. And these milestones I’ve set are hard ones, and I’m not disappointed with the progress I’ve made. 

I think I’ll drop them for a time, and just concentrate on walking freely with God after this year.

Thanks, guys, for your prayers and for walking with me in this journey.

Let’s see what God has in store for me next.

Yours in Christ,

Joshua Yip 

(Source: joshtheyipper)

I’ve always said that there’s a need for transparency in my Christian walk - to show both the good times and the bad. Well, honestly, I don’t want to talk about this, but I should. So here goes.

To be honest, these last few weeks have kinda sucked in terms of my own sin addiction - my pornography addiction. It seems every night, every moment I spend alone in my room is a moment when I am tempted. I’m usually ok if I’m not there, but I’ve kinda been dying with the advent of midterms and stress.

It’s a stress-coping mechanism now. But more than that, it’s just a habit, really. It’s something that’s been ingrained into my mind for so long now, and I’m afraid even if I do make a clean break from it, it’s going to take years before my mind goes back to normal.

It’s hard, and I find myself isolating more and more. I haven’t talked to my roommate about this in months. I haven’t talked to my discipler about this in months either. I have talked to this with Ryan quite a bit, though.

I do best when I’m outside a lot, doing things. I do best when I’m busy with church stuff or school stuff, or studying in Fondren. But my laptop, my room - these essential things - they’re what kills me.

I hate myself at times. But God has taught me grace, and that’s hard pressed to leave. I must keep holding on to that and keep moving.

Because I see this in me - two polar opposites that hate each other. It seems like I can switch from one to the other in a moment - one moment I am on fire for God, and the other I am seeking for the best possible way for me to pleasure myself. It’s annoying, and before, I would have said it’s hypocritical and awful. But I know know that’s just what Paul was talking about.

I need to learn to follow my God-given nature and to deny my sinful one. It’s gonna be hard. I need your prayers, your friendship, your understanding and support.

Please?

Update

So here’s the numbers.

7
6
5/5/5
8
1
9
8

Pornography is still one of the big issues in my life. It’s an addiction, a coping mechanism, a drug, and I think it may haunt me the rest of my life. But I am making headway. I feel so alone sometimes, though. My good friends either don’t talk about it much, or they don’t struggle with it a lot. I feel like, among my friends, it’s my personal struggle, kept silent inside a lot of the time. Which sucks. But I press on. It’s hard, and slow, and I fall so often. But if I keep my mind on God’s grace, I’ll be ok.

I’m hoping to talk to Robby about maybe working at church this summer. I don’t know if the church does that for people like me, but it’s worth a shot. My calling is towards student ministry. Does that mean I’m going to do it? No. But that’s my direction.

Dating-wise, I’m actually pretty good single right now. Iz a bit lonely, but, hey. What else is new? :P
Although I’m not sure if I’ll ever be brave enough to ask someone out (in terms of a long-term relationship). This is something I’m going to just have to decide and go for it, I guess, when the time comes.

Memorizing scripture never seemed to happen. I’m ok with this, though. I have lots to work on.

The end of my dating fast is almost over. It kinda didn’t go so well. But that’s ok. I learned a lot about what it means to date people and what it mean to love and care for others and how to have great friendships.

Also, I never got to play a keytar.

(Source: joshtheyipper)